This morning I woke up in a great deal of pain but since my surgery was ‘“approved” and my issues validated by the specialist I feel almost as if I have a new perspective of the pain. As if now I have finally gained a bit of control of my body.

Today is 3 days after ten plus years of suffering due to what I felt was a mass inside of my body preventing my body from working how all the other women in the world body’s seem to  function. 3 days after I was finally able to find a new doctor after my doctor of 29 years retired right before she was able to give me a diagnosis of why it hurts so much to be a human being. 3 days ago my fear and inability was validated as I was approved for my Hysterectomy.

Since the start of my late puberty (and very early pregnancy) I knew something was weird about my reproductive organs but I could never prove it and was often dismissed over the years it got worse and worse. As mentioned before I had a wonderful family doctor who had retired in the pandemic (which is fair). Luckily I was able to get a suspected diagnosis and advice to seek an MRI before her last day.

Years of meeting new doctors and receiving subpar treatment by numerous physicians I finally was able to get sent for the MRI, 3 full years of escalating symptoms later. After all the time put into getting a doctor to just send the request for an MRI, I ended up going to a walk-in clinic because my symptoms had gotten so extreme, he was finally able to send it. The MRI date came quickly and my results came back exactly how my retired doctor had suspected they would. Adenomyosis. 

The walk-in clinic doctor who’s name I wouldn’t be able to give if I was offered a prize, explained to me how this is not severe and although the MRI shows my uterus is doubled in size there isn’t anything they can do. I had to ask him to refer me to a gyno because I am unable to use the bathroom some days at all and the pain is unbearable and I know I need surgical intervention. 6 weeks later I got the call to come back about what the Gyno had said. And they said no, This was the moment I realised that I would have to fight professionals to get the care I needed. I requested from this doctor to have an appointment in which I can go in and meet the specialist.

It took another couple months before I got the call from a OBGYN office with an appointment and another month until I was able to go in. I have since met this doctor and she believed me, she looked at my scans and suggested Ablation, I believe thats when they burn the lining to deal with excess but she noted that it would not make my uterus smaller something I feel I desperately need in order for my bladder and bowels to function. We discussed other options and came to the conclusion that for my case despite my age (31) a Hysterectomy is going to be the best plan of action, I should be able to keep both ovaries and likely they will be reentering my c section as my Uterus is too large for Laparoscopic or Vaginal removal.

The appointment to consulate with the surgeon is in 3 weeks. I feel scared that they will tear away my hope of recovery from this painful journey, and tell me they wont do the surgery for one reason or another. It is hard to not feel as if they are gatekeeping medicine for woman and its a scary though. I hope that everything goes smoothly from here.