I called the hospital recently, they said that I am not even on the list! So upsetting to hear that. They suggested I call the surgeon’s office so of course I did. I had to call more than ten times over 3 days before I was able to get through to her assistant. It isn’t booked. And it will be a year she said, she said it as if the last two months haven’t passed. I asked don’t you mean 10 months now and she just repeated it usually takes up to a year. It really does not make sense to me and again feels like a ploy to report shorter wait times for surgery in my region. She said she added me to a cancellation list but who knows if that will mean i will get help sooner.

The surgeon assistant told me if it becomes worse to call again but I insisted, but it seems worse already, seems more frequent as weeks go on. Every month it is worse than I could have even imagined years ago. Surely it can only get so bad before I die. I have what feels like menstrual cramps now all of the time. My last cycle was so severe the pain was so unbearable and then did not completely subside. I am cramping right now as I type this a week out from my cycle. This is supposed to be the good part of my cycle but there are no longer any days of comfort for me and I am looking at another year.

Anyhow, she set me up with a phone appointment with the surgeon but I am scared I will just sound annoying to her or pushy or impatient. The fear stems from her only recommending medication to help lessen the bleeding but I would triple my unmanageable flow if it would make the pain and discomfort stop. I am so uncomfortable all the time, I can’t lean on counters or press on my pelvis without intense pain, I also get sharp shooting pains in my crotch often and stabbing pains in one side or the other that are so severe it interrupts me speaking. And now the cramps are just general cramps now? What is this now “post menstrual” cramps?

I am now in a constant cycle of discomfort. I have been trying to conceptualize my entire cycle so I can explain to the doctor when she calls. The menstrual cycle is 29 days. I ache leading up to ovulation then ovulation is like a period with I get a very thick transparent discharge during this time and a lot of it, I then may experience one or two days without cramping but I am just so incredibly fatigued those days but then I get hit with the pre menstrual cramps that last days and then the week of my period and now I am cramping post period which if you were keeping track is roughly 24 to 26 days of pain and discomfort in a 18 day cycle. And those 3ish days aren’t guaranteed because I will surely be impacted and visibly bloated.  

I no longer have any days in the cycle that isn’t being affected negatively by my uterus. It’s even more complicated when you take into consideration that I also am not able to move my bowels during all of the transitional stages of my cycle it seems. Prior to my cycle I even struggled to urinate and especially to empty my bladder but I have been struggling to fully empty my bladder for a decade or more but more seriously in the last 5 years. My uterus is preventing my other organs from being able to function, I am being tortured simply existing. It is hard to eat when I know it will be so complicated to pass later on.

I just want a date, I want it to be booked so I can mentally prepare for surgery. Wish me luck in speaking to the surgeon again as well as in getting a cancellation list surgery booking on this side of 2026..